*This post was written on the 15th of Feb*
Many things had happened last night, as I was being so upset over a small matter. I also finally realized that I should not have been so ego, I really do have to think before I act. I was still keeping some secret from him, because I did not knew how to tell him about it. Since last night, I felt so much better blah-ing all out at him.
Yes, I am sorry. I know I have been naïve, because of the self-centered me, we argued. Last night, I went out with Stella,
When I was out with them, I was still being cool. I tried to calm myself down and let everything out of my head, and since it was Valentine, I tried to focus on enjoying my valentine with these friends of mine instead of being the emo, and dull me. Knowing he will be heading to Loong’s house for a prayer... I was still chill. Nevertheless, when I got home, I felt so miserable that I felt like tearing myself apart. He messaged me when his home, I am happy yet sad. However, I told him not to call since it was already 2 in the morning, I know he needed rest since he have to get up early the next day... Yet he called. I am touch but again I still felt miserable.
He asked me why, I did not know how to answer. I lost track of expressing myself out.
Sounds funny right??
How anyone could lose way of expressing himself or herself?
But, yes I did. If you ask me how, I do not even know how it happened.
I know I got him upset.
I know I hurt him a lot.
I know I am not a good or perfect girlfriend.
Okay and yes. I have promised him I would drop this issue.
However, I am just blogging, okay? Please do not get angry or upset again.
I hate seeing him being upset. I really rather I get all his pain, least I know I will slowly recover… He asked me to delete that particular blog I have post. I have done so. Do not worry too; I have dropped the issue as well.
*wink*
*dup*
Last night, I asked him about his point of view about me. He told me I am an incomplete heart has yet to be paint. Well… I am a very lazy person; I really do love to if he paints that particular part for me.
Yeah… Yeah… Yeah… I am asking stuff form him again…
Sigh.
I do not know why again I am feeling so down. I should be happy and cheerful when I wake up this morning. Hence, worse still I am feeling sick and sleepy. Guess I am just lack of sleeping??
Yes, most of my readers know I have insomnia… I do not even know when I got it. Maybe 4 or 5 years back?
This morning, I realized something I had been wondering all the time, and having doubts on it as well. Before I spill what it is, I would like to say I like and hate it at the same time. I am so confusing myself, and guess I am confusing you guys as well. Sorry.
I am a gadget lover, especially on mobile phones. I first own a mobile phone was in year 2001; I was still doing my Form 1. I still remember it cost me a hundred ringgit to get a Sim Card! Can you imagine now I can get 10 of them??!!! Oh my Freaking God….!!
My very first model was a second-handed Ericsson phone. Bought it for RM200. Mahal sgt at that time.
Then came the internet, having a pc at home, going online knowing net friends. Getting more and more numbers. Soon, in 2002 my sim went out of space for me to save up my new contacts…! Crazy shit..!
In Year 2001 an Ericsson phone
In Year 2002 a Nokia 3310
In Year 2003 a Nokia 7210
In Year 2004 a Nokia 5350
In the middle of Year 2004 a Nokia 3100
In Year 2005 a Nokia 6260
In Year 2006 a Nokia 6670
In the Year of 2007, I finally settle my phone with Sony Ericsson W800i
Coming soon… Nokia 6500 slide or N82???
Who knows??
I wasted so many bloody RM in mobile phones…!! You want to know why?
First, I fancy all new technology but actually I just wanted to show off I had the latest phone!
Come to think of it now, I was pathetically naïve and bloody stupid.
I don’t even know why this thought came into me…!!!
For now, I don’t wish to own the latest phone that’s on the market. I just need a phone, with enough memory space for me to save all the important messages in my phone. Knowing that others will call or even message me and definitely not owning the most high-tech phone in the market yet the phone itself will not even ring once.
Waking up, knowing the phone will not even ring… It really hurts my feeling thou I do not know why.
However, when I just wanted to be alone so much…! Throwing my phone and everything aside, peoples, friends they all came ringing to my mobile, house phone and even cannot stop nudging me in MSN!!
This is really, what I hate most.
When I am feeling so down and unhappy, when I do need the goddamn mobile to ring. It kept silence until I was literally pushing myself to the edge… Even if I would call up, I get all kind of excuses… busy and so on. *sigh*
I really do still feel like changing new mobile phones. But I’m now lack of RM in my account. So many things to plan and buy. Wish list as long as a scroll….!!
Yet, I finally realized, is not technology that matters, it is when your phone rings and knowing someone out there is caring and loving you. I too realized how excited I am to know he would call up. I would wait for that call... I would wait for my phone to ring. But I hate hanging up of coz! *wink* and he hates that…! Sorry!
Now, I am still waiting. I missed out his call this morning. I’m waiting for it to ring again now… Wondering what will he be doing, has he had his lunch yet? Is he ok?
I know I am super duper worried and protective over him.
I want him to have the best girlfriend in the world
I want him to be the happiest person on earth.
I want him to beloved
I want him to know he is not alone.
I want him to know a pair of ears is here to listen anytime
I want him to know there is a pair of shoulders to lean on whenever he wants.
I want him to know there is always an open arms waiting for him.
Hence, I have failed to do most of them…
What a terrible girlfriend I am…
Guess I know why no ones want me…! *giggle*
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